I've been reading blogs for probably 5 years, since before M was born. I'm rarely a commenter, and I'm just starting to get comfortable with joining the conversations. For some reason, the blogs that really draw me in are usually about things I've never experienced. I started reading a lot of infertility blogs, mostly because it was taking longer than I thought it would to get pregnant. We never sought any treatment, and eventually, M showed up. Whenever I'm trying something new, I try to read and read about it, gleaning as much information as possible. Infertility blogs opened up a whole new world for me, I know so much about treatments, loss, etc. than I ever thought possible. Now, even though I never comment, I still follow all these people. Even though we are only given a small picture into their lives, I feel like I know them all. I've waited for births, read the horrible stories of loss. Every morning I check my bloglines, wondering how everyone's doing.

Lately, I've been drawn to stories of loss. I'm not sure why, and I sure as hell have no idea what any of these women are going through, but I can't help but keep reading. I get so invested in what they are sharing. I look at my own life, remembering people in my family who have gone through similar things, and realize how differently I should have handled things. I'm learning so much about how to support people in their grief, and I am just so sad for all these lost babies, and their families.

I think after going through L's hospital stay, I realize how close we came to actually losing him. I realize how lucky we are that he's here and alive, and how I was on the brink of being one of those moms. I'm not sure where I'm going with this train of thought, and more than likely I'm not really making any sense, just wanted to get it out. Anyway, since L's been born, I feel a little more raw and exposed, my heart's on my sleeve, I guess.